“SMLL” Spoken Words🤍 (play guitar chords)

My Testimony

This month I have become magic. I have become someone who will never apologize for the fire in me. If the start of this year was as trash for you as it was for me then this entry is dedicated to you. January and February were disasters, March was my transitional period, and now here we are in April and May, the best months I've had so far.

I tend to overthink heavily about things I have my whole life to worry about. Like will I ever be where I truly want to be? When will I attain genuine happiness, not just happiness that comes and goes? Even things like when will I find true love and not just someone I have no soul tie with to really satisfy me at night? See? Things I shouldn't be fully worried about at this age. Especially not love, or so I thought at first. 

I learned that I can't worry about how my life will turn out in the future, all I have is what’s in front of me, the actions I’ll take now in the present tense to mold that successful life. Yes we all want luxury, but thinking about it too much versus actually putting yourself to achieve it is a waste. I learned to focus on the now rather than stress about the later. I can't worry about things I can’t control anymore, and by letting go I allowed myself to reach that genuine happiness I was looking for all along.

Instead of  complaining about a situation, I've grown to trust that the universe is running on a balanced accord and that my time will come. I told myself no more worrying, just more living...and ever since then I have become an ethereal, delicate, and fragile soul.

To explain the fragility, when a person is near me thinking/speaking negatively it is damaging my space. It is becoming fragile because I am constantly allowing myself to be surrounded by it, which results in my aura feeling less sturdy, like it couldn’t fight off this bad energy to begin with. If you need a cleanse, REALIZE IT NOW, because the healing period is no joke.

You have to learn a whole new you. A whole new method of living. If you're a troubled thinker or even an overthinker like I was, write down my next words... overthinking is strenuous. You're putting yourself through more stress by continuing to give something more thought than is needed. You deserve peace. You deserve closure to certain situations even if the person doesn't give it to you. Give it to yourself.

We all need a place we can go when things start to feel overbearing, but in my case instead of making this a temporary place, I made it my permanent place. No one has the power to upset me anymore. Nothing has the power to make me lose hope. I don't get mad at one thing and allow every little thing after to piss me off. That person was me. I had to learn new ways to deal with my toxic way of thinking. I started a blog!!! This was my place to escape to whenever I found myself falling into my old hole.

Write about it, invest in a notebook where you write everything. You trust this thing more than you would ever know. It's only lines, it doesn't have a mouth to tell what you share with it and it's always there to listen. Discover new music, go out and find songs and artists who help you stay out of that hole. For me it was mostly soul and r&b. Smino, Ravyn Lenae, Ari Lennox, IAMDDB, Jaden & Willow,  SiR- november, Anderson Paak, etc.

Host your own litte yoga and meditation sessions in your room every now and then, smoke your Mary Jane to that playlist of new music you discovered. Due to this, April has been amazing. This month I had the ability to test out this me.